What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
