she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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