Soap is not a condiment
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
