Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
