I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
worst night to have a conscience
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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