My first STD was from a foam party
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
