in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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