What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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