I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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