Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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