So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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