I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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