the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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