Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He did a backflip because drugs
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