he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
