literally had 100 drinks last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
