I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
