I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
