We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
