toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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