i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
