if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
