So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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