I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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