I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
