How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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