Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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