where am i from again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
