the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
