Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
