Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
