Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
