he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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