Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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