That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
