So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
