Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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