just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
