you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
