Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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