smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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