and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and she was petting her beer can
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
