Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
