I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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