Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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