The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
