So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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