8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
