threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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