Define "chronic" masturbator.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
