Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
