I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
