Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
