I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
