you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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