This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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