she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
